Our awareness of anger often does not occur until it is expressed in behavior. The anger when expressed is often brought to our attention by others. The impact of our anger on others may first be realized by the person who is the object of our anger. Have you experienced someone rather suddenly saying to you: “Why are you so angry!” You may be stopped in your tracks by the comment because you may not have been aware of the magnitude of your expression. Often others will see or experience the effect of our anger before we are aware. It is like a reflexive expression which may be instantaneous.

There are mysteries in anger expression. Let’s explore that. It seems to me that the process of anger, or what I would call the “Equation of Anger” has at least three parts. The diagram below will show this analysis. Hang with me and see if this makes sense to you.

The Anger Equation

Glenn C. Taylor

It is “The Expression of Anger” that gets the attention of other people. It may not get our attention immediately if our expression is reactive or the response activated by different kinds of provocation. It is rarely planned or a designed response. We vary greatly in expression. Some of us come to a “boil” slowly, others rather “instantly” hit the high temperature of expression. You probably can see yourself with variable responses which may be dependent on the context.

We also vary as to whether we explode, implode, or freeze. Identifying and acknowledging our typical response in different situations will be important in exploring our anger. To approach the subject with honest means we will have to avoid denial, which is another problem we will discuss later.

To explode is to express ourselves outwardly. To implode is to turn the anger inward toward self. To freeze is to become immobilized which often is expressed as “biting one’s tongue” and often indicates fear of expression. We may assess the situation as too dangerous to express ourselves in the way we would like to. I am sure you have been there! You quickly assess that to express would endanger your interests. Perhaps you will saves it for expression later or to someone who will accept or affirm your anger.

In the next blog, we will look at the “Experience of Anger” to understand the dynamic power which is the heart of the anger equation.

The previous blog I identified three basic expressions of anger: exploding, imploding, or freezing (withdrawing or becoming unresponsive). We each have our style of dealing with informing others of our anger. Our choice of expression will depend on the degree of safety we feel in the social context. Of course, the depth of our experience of anger will influence the expression. To understand our anger, it is necessary to have the courage to clearly identify how we express ourselves in response to provocation.

Another important contributor to our expression is the pattern of expression learned in our childhood. Family members may typically express anger in the same way. However, personality and the learning of childhood is a big factor. Parents frequently have a great deal of influence. They will vary in how much anger they permit children to express and the manner of expression.

If a parent sends the child to their room if the child becomes angry or frustrated, that provides a strong message. The child, depending of the personality of the child, may come to practice withdrawal or isolating oneself if anger arises. Or the child may learn that the feelings of anger are not to be expressed publicly. If anger leads to shaming or the negating of anger, the child’s understanding of themselves will likely be impacted.

Of course, if the child is ignored in their expression of anger and permitted to continue the expression without attention, they may come to understand that their feelings are ignored and of little or no value to others. One can readily see that childhood is the context in which we learn much about the expression of anger. It becomes very clear that anger expression is something very personal to every one of us.  

The context in which we express anger is also very important. You will determine your expression significantly by the context in which you experience it. Certain friends of family members may be willing to interpret your expression as “just blowing off” and as being appropriate. Obviously, their understanding of anger, their degree of agreement with your anger, whether it is directed toward them, or someone they deem worthy of your anger, and the means of expression will all be important to consider.

The creation of electronic communication has great influence on our expression. In the absence of face-to-face contact, facilitated by electronic communication, people express anger, often more effusively, in a more exaggerated form, or with a different tonal expression than if one is face to face. Direct, face to face communication, is usually more controlled and more sensitive to the recipient of the message. One should monitor oneself to understand the degree of difference in our expression of anger face to face or through the screening that occurs through electronic means. How we impact others in our expression is worthy of our intense study. Being open to explore our expression may provide opportunity for us to learn new ways, and more effective ways to express anger. To seek to deny one’s anger is not an option. We were created to experience and to express anger. The question is whether we wish to be more effective.

Understanding the sources of anger is essential to understanding and controlling the experience and the expression of anger. Without understanding the source, we will be frustrated in managing our anger. All anger is not assumed to be wrong from a Biblical perspective. Paul urges: “In your anger (wrath) do not sin: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (provoked)…get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger (wrath).” (Eph. 4:26, 31) Provocation is irritation and is different than rage or wrath. Irritation if dwelt on may lead to harsh forms of anger and requires monitoring. The vocabulary of the Bible is expansive in differentiating the levels of anger.

It is helpful to look at sources of anger. There are at least four sources. A breach of values is frequently a primary source. When your values are breached anger is provoked. Understanding if this is a source will greatly influence your experience and expression. In the Scripture we readily see that when God’s values as revealed, for instance, in the ten commandments is breached, he experiences anger. Think of his response to the overwhelming presence of wickedness when he decided to wipe our humanity with the Flood in Noah’s time. It is important to notice that, first, that ”The Lord was grieved… and his heart was filled with pain.” (Genesis 6:5-8) However, the breach of his values leads to the destruction of mankind. We, too, respond to the breach of our values with anger. Recognizing this to be the case, we choose our response accordingly. We do well to assess our values in determining our response.

Secondly, when we experience a breach of our expectations, we respond with anger. If this is the case, we may wish to examine our expectations to determine if they are appropriate. We might wish to determine if the person breaching our expectations shared ours, or whether they were cognizant of our expectations. Sometimes breaches are in ignorance. Some years ago, two grandchildren (preschool) were visiting our home. My wife informed them that they were not to go near the pond without an adult. A few minutes later, they were at the pond, and scolded for being there. The elder of the two came to me (I was not part of the previous communication.) with a question: “Grampa, can I ask you a question?” I replied, “Yes.” His question was, “What is an adult?” He knew what “big person” meant, but not what “adult” meant. The expectation was unclear, and, therefore, the breach was innocent.

Thirdly, when our sense of worth is breached, we become angry, usually quickly. We may feel unjustly criticized, evaluated, put down, or depreciated in some way. If this is the source of our anger, we may need to do some self-evaluation as to our sensitivity, or to further understand the other’s intention. God’s sense of worth or dignity was challenged by the assumption of Israel that a golden calf was an appropriate representation of the God who brought them out  of the slavery of Egypt. God said, “Leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them.” (Exodus 32:7-10) Moses intervened. We all experience anger when our person is attacked or devalued. This is a powerful source of anger.

The fourth source of anger I would suggest is when a goal we have is blocked. The frustration of such an experience may blossom into anger. Acknowledging the source of our anger gives us the opportunity to evaluate and determine what the most appropriate response to anger may be. This evaluation will normally lead to a much more appropriate response. Anger experienced and expressed as a kneejerk response is seldom appropriate and may lead to great misunderstanding and deeper hurt. Understanding the source will permit evaluation and may lead to interaction that results in insight that will enable us to respond with more wisdom that reactivity.

In summary, understanding the “Anger Equation” may enable us to become more sensitive to our emotions, aware of our physiological responses, and our learned behavior. Exploring the sources of our anger may lead to much clarification, and the opportunity to determine more accurate ways to cope with our anger. Understanding is much better than reactivity.

Anger is not only a learned behavior, as we indicated in an earlier blog. It also involves physiological dimensions. The emotions associated have physiological components. There is much literature that elaborates this. Although focusing on the effect of trauma related to mind, brain and body, Bessel van der Klok provides a very helpful book assist in understanding how emotion is expressed physiologically in the body. (Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma, Penguin, 2014). It is essentially a “whole body” experience. 

The chemical and neurological aspects of anger prepare the body for action. Adrenaline plays a big role along with other chemicals that impact the brain, elevate heart rate, impact breathing, dilates the pupils, and energizes for action. These actions of the autonomic nervous system cause the bodily sensations we experience when we become angry. This prepares us for action, to protect, to run, or to respond with aggression. There are several options for response.

A study of the several words for anger in the Old Testament Scripture are expressive of these bodily responses: to snort or blow through the nostrils (as a charging bull might), a burning sensation in the gut (a precursor to stomach discomfort). Other words identify with wrath, sadness, or annoyance. New Testament words similarly focus on inner turbulence, the flaring of a match, exasperation, a settled inner attitude seeking revenge, or sense of bitterness. Scripture clearly identifies the physiology of anger.

The emotions of anger may lead to aggressive physical or verbal responses that can be very easily overextended into violence. Physical reactions are significantly exaggerated in terms of their destructive potential. Often abusers of other person will inflict great harm in expressing anger. They will frequently say, “I never intended to hurt, maim or injure!” Actions taken in anger are invariably more physically harmful then intended.

The expression of anger manifests out of the emotion, the learned behavior of anger expression, and the physiology of anger. One can readily see the relationship between experiencing anger and its expression as I indicated in the “Anger Equation.” But that does not adequately explain anger. We must look to the sources of anger. The sources are just as individual to each of us as is the experience and the expression. This will be the focus of our next blog.